Living Alone and Loving It
Tips to Help Your Grow into the Person Who Will Fill Your Empty Nest

What you thought was going to last forever is now gone. The kids are gone. They've moved out. Now, they have children of their own. Miraculously, they are figuring out why the heck you were so tired and worried all those years. Now, they've suddenly figured out that hats are an important wardrobe piece in the cold. Your children want to take a nap. But, now they can't. But YOU can! So, let's talk.

We need to pick up the baton we left behind 25 years ago and re-create ourselves over and over again so we can show our kids what we learned through it all. We need to show our grandchildren that life's vibrancy doesn't stop just because the 'kids are gone'. Life's vibrancy continues as we embrace those grandchildren --- and, if God gives us the time on earth --- those great-grandchildren!

But, just in case you're feeling as if all of your life's purpose has moved out and moved on --- let's think about how you can keep it going --- and, actually, end up having MORE to offer those precious souls that are no longer in your day-to-day care.

Tip #1: Revisit the hobby you gave up due to time constraints as a parent. Maybe you used to sing in a band or go to concerts or plays. Maybe you used to be a member of an acting troupe or dabble in local theatre performances. You may be one of those gifted people who work in stained glass or who can paint or draw. I don't particularly care if you paint by numbers. Just paint (!) for crying out loud --- if that's what you enjoyed doing before the kids came along. Do you have a green thumb? Then, plant a garden. Are you crafty? Then, make your Christmas presents throughout the year. If you're good with wood…apply the principle in the previous sentence. If you always enjoyed writing --- whether it be poetry or prose --- pick up a pen or launch a WORD doc and get it going again. Who knows? You might become the next New York Times best author!

Tip #2: Get in shape. Maybe you used to go to the gym or play tennis or golf. Were you an avid walker or hiker? Did you enjoy yoga or dancing? There may have been a time when you were able to blame the kids or a spouse for your lack of discipline and/or free time. But, you have plenty of time now. (You'll have to muster up the discipline…more on that later.) Check out special discounted memberships at your local barrage of gyms. Some gyms run specials throughout the year; but, most run specials right after the Holidays and right before summer. You don't have to become the next Mr. or Ms. Universe. Just get healthier. Get more toned. If the machines aren't your bag, enroll in one of the aerobics or yoga classes. "Zumba" is a relatively new Latino dance workout that can be learned on many levels of expertise from beginners to advanced levels. It's a fantastic workout and loads of fun…especially for the lovers of Latin music! Check out your local dance studios and sign up for a dance class two nights per week. You can learn the Salsa, the Merengue, line dancing, east or west coast shuffle. The list goes on. You don't always need a partner, as some group lessons accommodate individual students without partners. There is always the opportunity to pay a little more money and train with the dance instructor one-on-one. That's always fun!

In most towns the YMCA provides a plethora of fitness options from exercise equipment, aerobics, Tai Chi, and Yoga classes to basketball courts, indoor tracks, and indoor swimming pools and saunas. There is a product out there --- the "Swimman Waterproof IPod Shuffle". You can now do laps to music and one of my social networking friends --- an avid swimmer --- swears by it!

Never underestimate the joy of your own home as a 'work-out center'! As long as you have a floor and you GET OFF THE COUCH you can work-out to various walking DVDs and other aerobic and toning DVDs. Immediately, you'll have a group of like-minded, fitness partners right there on your television! You can go at your own pace and change routines if you invest a little money so as to provide yourself some variation. Also, for an investment of approximately $100, you can purchase a stationary bike or mini trampoline second-hand from a classified ad, plop it right in front of your TV and pedal or jog the pounds off while watching your favorite television show. I, personally, find pedaling or jogging to music much for fun. Especially, if the music is fast-paced with a good, steady beat that makes you want to move. Of course, dancing for 25 to 45 minutes to your favorite CD is also a great way to shed the pounds.

All of the suggestions here can prove to be highly effective if you commit to doing them for 25 to 45 minutes three to four times per week. Get creative! Pick an activity you LOVE TO DO and just DO IT!

Tip #3: Begin Journaling. OK. This is different than actually embarking upon writing a book. However, it wouldn't be the first time one's 'journal' became a best seller. It's happened before. It can happen again. But, the purpose of journaling is not so much 'publishing' it as it is an exercise in introspection and expression. It's a great stress reliever, too, and can often provide on a conscious level those answers we hold on a subconscious level.

Take a few moments each day to record that day's experiences. Start with those things in your life for which you are most grateful. Focus on your blessings; not your minuses. However, write what you are truly feeling and don't judge what you write as either "right" or "wrong"; "good" or "bad". Just write. Don't even worry about sentence fragments and/or punctuation. This isn't English class. It's journaling. If you get all stressed out about how it 'sounds' you will defeat the purpose.

Tip #4: Become a Student of Better Money Management
Unless you're already a wiz at finances (most of us aren't), check your local community for workshops and seminars that teach the tricks of money management and investing.You can learn a great deal at these and you can feel safe in doing so because if everyone else in the room had a handle on this topic they wouldn't be at the seminar. But, the others are on their way to building wealth and you may as well hang out with those people anyway. We're talking "evolving" here, right? Your finances are no exception. This activity will create many opportunities on a daily basis to look at your life and, possibly, a recreation of Y.O.U.

Tip #5: Read. Whoaaa! Now, I know I've scared the skin off of some of you. But, R.E.A.D. is an OK, four-letter word! It will NOT be a bad influence on your children and grandchildren when they come to visit you if you have to put your book down on the coffee table to open the door. It's OK if when the phone rings and the other person asked, "Hi, what were you doing?" you said, "I was reading." Last I checked this isn't against the law. Now, if you want to grow and change into an even more awesome person than you already are, you may want to consider reading biographies of successful people or self-improvement books which teach you skills for living better and with more purpose. Wouldn't it be really cool if you could be an example to your children and grandchildren as to how to do this?!

Tip #6: Turn Off the TV. TV really doesn't 'keep us company'. It keeps us stagnant. An occasional show with half decent content can be fun, can provide laughter, and --- if we get REALLY lucky --- may even offer great music or drama. But instead of watching someone else have a life, why not create a life for yourself? Go to a bookstore and have a cup of something and browse for a good book. Chances are that if you meet someone interesting in the section you're in ---- you'll have a lot in common. Strike up a conversation. Be approachable. Not for romantic reasons, for "people" reasons. You have plenty of time for cultivating friendships. Remember, 20 years ago when you were full-time parenting you would have sold a lung for the opportunity to get out of the house alone and hang in Borders. HANG, for heaven's sake!

Tip #7: Learn a New Skill. Do you have any idea how many fabulous opportunities there are in the world to learn? Many colleges, universities, and community colleges offer courses as "audits". You don't even have to pay for the course because there are no credits earned ---- just information and new knowledge. These courses are offered in a variety of disciplines from religious studies to science to photography to vegan culinary skills to creative writing to windsurfing. Again, everyone loves something. And --- the really cool part about this whole idea is that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's all about YOU! You can learn how to play a better game at whatever game it is you're playing. But, you need to be PLAYING!! What did you dream about in those private moments between dashing your children here and there when you said to yourself, "Boy, if I only had more time I'd love to ______________!" THAT is what you need to go learn more about.

Tip #8: Invite Friends for Dinner. They actually enjoy eating and would love a free meal at your place. But, if you're not inclined to cooking or you feel as if you'd be a threat to your friends' health by doing so --- invite them out for dinner and meet them at your favorite place. Chances are they have been stuck in a rut, too, and would really enjoy getting out of the house. (I can almost see those red-checkered tablecloths already.)

Tip #9: Create a Vision Board. A vision board is nothing more than a visual format of a dream or desire. If it's a tropical vacation you want, put together a poster board filled with pictures of that dream vacation destination. You can do it as a collage or just paste your pictures in a linear fashion onto the poster board. You may want a car or a boat. Or, you may have a goal in mind that is less tangible in nature, such as losing weight and gaining muscle mass or becoming a better skier, fisherman or golfer. You may desire a vocation change. What would these goals look like for you? Maybe you actually want to relocate to a warmer climate. Create a Vision Board with pictures of the exact city in which you want to relocate. Include pictures of homes, golf courses, restaurants, downtown shops, the surrounding mountains or ocean fronts, aerial views of the landscape of your favorite "home town". The Vision Board is about what YOU want to achieve or receive, so there is no right or wrong way of doing it.

Tip #10: Decide What you Want To DO for the Rest of Your Life. If you're still working, are you really doing the type of work you love to do. Or, is it just a means to an end? Is your work nothing more than the paycheck at the end of the week? I realize that not everyone can just leave his or her "job" and do their life's passion. But, for those of you who have the flexibility to do so, please take the time you are now allotted and figure it out for yourselves. Obviously, only you can decide if you can afford to this. Maybe you can't afford not to. Either way, make a decision as to how you truly want to spend each day. For those of you who must continue to work at a full-time job, maybe there is something that you would enjoy doing part-time for extra income OR, possibly, on a volunteer basis. Did you always have a passion for nursing? Do you enjoy working with geriatric patients? Do you enjoy the laughter and energy of little children? Do you love libraries, art galleries, or museums? Every community has many Para-professional and volunteer opportunities in each one of these areas. Often, hiring managers welcome the more seasoned worker when looking for extra help because they know and trust the work ethic and experience you bring to the table.

What is that one vocation you have always wanted to do? Please don't say "it's too late" or "at my age?" For one thing, it's never too late. Also, if you're 60 years old now and you don't pursue your passion over the next five years, I'm thinking you're still going to be 65 years old after the next five years have come to fruition. So, you may as well go for it!

So, to which "empty nest" are you referring? 'Cause if you're in it, it's not empty.

See Debra's Other Articles:

Get Your Body in Motion
Take Heed: Take a Break

Debra also has a book at: http://tinyurl.com/DebraCostanzo-StressOut

and will appear on Blog Talk Radio Nov. 12, 2009

Contact: Debra Costanzo, www.3in1fitness.com about this article, with any questions, or for a free coaching consultation:

Telephone: 570-689-3878
Cell: 570-510-8792

Copyright Protection and Reprint Rights: This article and accompanying tips are fully copyrighted by the author, but can be reprinted without permission provided the article links back to this page: http://www.800Muses.com/muse-profiles/muse-debra2.htm