Build Resiliency
to Combat Aging
Recently, I talked to a childhood friend who is 52.
He lamented that he was getting old
and not looking forward to it. I find this to be true
for some friends in this age group and not for
others.
You may also have seen this with your parents and their
friends. So what makes it easier for some to cope with
getting older and not others?
Those who handle aging well don't think of themselves
as their chronological age. Research has shown that
those who see themselves as younger than their actual
age are happier than those who see themselves as the
age they are (or older). Most of us have met people
who we assumed were older than we were only to discover
they were younger, and vice versa. So the important
thing is to not get caught up with a number. You're
only as old as you think you are.
To avoid focusing on age, be selective about those
things you continue to do. If you ran a 7-minute mile
when you were young, you may have to accept a 10- or
12-minute mile. If you enjoy gardening and have a huge
garden you may need to reduce the size of it and over
time, convert it to raised beds. It's hard not to feel
old and be unhappy when you're constantly reminded of
what you can't do anymore. If your parents get caught
up in trying to maintain everything the way it was they're
bound to be disappointed. So being able to adapt is
imperative.
In working with older adults and people with multiple
or serious medical issues, I've found the most detrimental
thing to their wellbeing is not having a sense of purpose.
Everyone needs to feel useful and that they're contributing
in some way. Your parents may have worked hard all their
lives until that magic age of 62 when they could retire
and rest. Then in retirement they became dissatisfied
and depressed. Most likely it's because they didn't
have a plan after retirement. Whether it's reading world
history, part-time or volunteer work, or traveling the
world, everyone needs to feel they're life has purpose.
What brings your parents' pleasure or enjoyment? What
dreams are they still waiting to fulfill?
Finally, it's necessary to be flexible and positive.
There really is something to being able to make lemonade
if you're given lemons. We don't always have control
over what life gives us (and unfortunately as we age
we'll have even less). If being flexible is a challenge
for your parents encourage them to start developing
flexibility. If they can accept there is much they don't
have control over they'll be able to move forward, be
happy and otherwise adjust. Along with this, they have
a choice in how they view things. They can see the glass
as half empty or half full. They can focus on regrets
or what they've accomplished. I encourage you to start
developing a new mindset now to help yourself as you
age: at the end of each day mentally or physically make
note of at least one thing that happened in the day
you're proud of, that went well or you feel good about.
Also see Lynne's articles on Forgiving
Your Parents, and Telling Your Parents What to Do
Contact Information:
Lynne Coon, MS, Counselor
Helping adults with aging parents cope with the emotional
and practical aspects of caring for their parents
Lynne Coon
Counseling
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