No is the
New "Yes"
Has this ever happened to you? It's late on a Sunday
evening, your fourth-grader has a diorama titled "Inuit
at Home" due the next morning and he's just stormed
into his room because the igloo he hastily glued together
from sugar cubes has collapsed. There is a now pile
of sticky confection on the floor. Your washing machine
buzzes to alert you to move the wet clothes to the dryer.
Oh, but wait! You promised to coordinate the soccer
practice carpool this week. And, you need to prepare
for a meeting at ten the next morning. Your child continues
to wail from his room.
And yes, there's more! On the work front a colleague
has asked you to respond to her blog post. You're behind
on Twitter, Facebook and Email. Your iPhone beeps to
remind you that you've double-booked a conference call
with a client and a conference with your son's teacher.
Oops!
If you're a working parent, this is an all too familiar
scenario. Even if you're not a parent, you can probably
relate to much of the logjam described above.
When overwhelmed, my business partner used to say,
"I'm running as fast as I can to stay in the same
place." Then, when things got worse, she changed
it to, "I'm running as fast as I can to stay hopelessly
behind!"
Let's face it, we live in a time and in a world where
multi-tasking is the default, and the expectation is
that we'll get it all done regardless of how much more
gets put on the plate. We are over-committed. We've
become a nation of work-bingers! Seriously, think of
the tasks in your day as food items. Forget the three
squares, we've got our hands in the bag of Cheetos,
the box of Twinkies and wrapped around the Big Gulp.
We're constantly "eating" and getting limited
nutrition.
Okay, enough with the metaphors. What I'm getting at
is this. We're organizing our days around quantity in
favor of quality. We continue to say "yes"
to everything because we think we'll let someone down
if we say "no." I can handle it, says that
little voice in our heads that doesn't want to succumb
to our limited capacity for quality production.
As co-owners of a communications company, my business
partner and I were also guilty of this behavior. We'd
say "yes" to every project, and many volunteer
opportunities as well. One day, though, I accidentally
said "no." A graphic designer who often partners
with me for Web work asked if I'd be interested in heading
a PR campaign for a caterer on the East Coast (I live
on the West Coast). For some reason, I hypothesized
the invitation, putting a client in my place, and realized,
et voila! that the combination of skillset, location
and other work made the likelihood of success a long
shot.
"I don't think I'm the right person for this,"
I said, instantly feeling both guilt and relief as the
words left my lips.
My business partner looked over at me in horror. As
soon as I hung up the phone, I asked her, "What
did I just do?"
"I think you said 'no'," she said, in awe.
Five minutes later, one of our favorite clients called
offering us a huge e-mail marketing campaign. Just like
that-no proposal, no bid, just "do it!"
It was one of the weirdest experiences because of the
huge neon sign that flickered: When one door closes,
another opens! Aha, but that door did not close on its
own. When I began to chronicle the myriad ways in which
opportunity knocks, I realized that often I'd prepared
myself in some way to invite it. By shifting my consciousness
to a place, or a space, away from chaos and obligation,
I'd allowed more room for intention.
The thing about the hamster wheel, and why we often
feel helplessly ambushed by the onslaught of external
demands, is that we re-act instead of pro-act. Once
we start "driving the bus" instead of being
a passenger, we find that we're less exhausted and often
become the recipient of path-altering benefits.
Here are just a few gains we make when we become more
discerning:
- The beginning of the end of "analysis paralysis"
where a new energy can be harnessed and activated
in a particular direction
- Clarity, resolve and peace of mind
- Concrete goals and steps toward those goals
- A strong idea of what needs to be excluded in order
for goals to be obtained
So give it a try! Make like a two-year-old and start
practicing the word "no"!
Contact Information:
Muse Suzy Can Be Found at:
BridgePoint
Creative,a strategic communications company
Freelance writing and editing, Words
in a Hurry
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by the author, but can be reprinted without permission
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